This is something that I wrote a few months ago at 1:42am. I knew it was something that I needed to share, but I had yet to decide where to share it. This is probably one of the most personal things I have ever written thus far.
Sometimes you think you are over something until something happens and you realize you are not.
One night my husband and I were spending time alone. Something he did caused me to tense up and I brought up an event that happened during a routine pregnancy visit to the OB-GYN. My husband responded with that was almost 2 years ago. Now my husband is a great guy and I don’t think he meant any harm but I knew something was wrong when we ended the evening with him rubbing my back as I cried in bed.
Almost 2 years ago I was pregnant with our 4th child. The 4th time around I tried a new OB-GYN that a friend of mine had also delivered her children with. The Dr. was a little quirky but I was okay with that. Around 38 weeks or so, definitely prior to 40 weeks I went in for a routine check. This time my husband joined me.
When it was my turn to be seen, my husband joined me in the room. I undressed, wrapped myself in the white paper robe and laid on the exam table. When the nurse came in we exchanged pleasantries as we had done in the past. Then she proceeded to check me and determine if I had dilated. At some point during the process I experience this extreme pain and I feel myself telling the nurse to stop and trying to pull away from her. Later on I learn that she was scrapping my membranes. I was expecting my 4th child and no Dr. has ever done what she did. I had never even heard of scraping membranes. On top of all that the nurse never explained to me that that was something that she was going to do. I felt so violated. To make matters worse during my first visit the doctor and I had spoken about the fact that I am a rape survivor.
After the appointment I rushed out of the doctors office as fast as I could. I was trying to wrap my head around what happened. I spent the next few days crying and seeking comfort from friends. I even called a friend that worked in the medical industry in order to get some kind of understanding of how this could happen. Surely doctors receive training. Are doctors and nurses not taught patient care? Shouldn’t I have been told what was going to happen before it happened. Especially something as painful as having my membranes scrapped. Why was this nurse not informed that she was dealing with a rape survivor? I knew that if it happened to me it has happened to many women before ne and unfortunately will happen to many women after me.
I eventually called the doctor’s office and spoke to the office manager about what had taken place. Although she apologized and the nurse apologized that still doesn’t change the fact that almost two years later I am lying in my bed crying while my husband rubs my back.